You deserved to hear this
by KaiSaeren
Summary: After hunderds of tries, he had enough. For once he chose to be weak and end it quickly, no matter if he had just one last try left, or a thousand, this time he would go see her and tell her exactly how he felt. Just once he would like to see her, the true her without any holds barred. She deserved to hear all this, and he could not take those sad eyes anymore.
**Mukuro's story was always a point of fasctination to me and I have wrote number of pages and stories surrounding her character, none of which I am willing to share just yet. But this small time repeat story was simply something I cooked up after coming back one evening (sligthly intoxicated I have to add) and found a beatiful song, as well as a beatiful picture of her. Not to mention I really wanted to post something about her and Makoto.**

 **Excuse the gramatic mistakes please, english is not my native tongue, but I will come back and correct them in time, I promise :) (should be corrected now, if you see any, let me know)**

 **Insipred by song: Thomas Bergersen - In Paradisum (Sun) and the heartwrenching picture I found on deviantart. Kudos to the creators.**

 **art/Mukuro-Ikusaba-render-408649832**

 **It was also inspired by the time repeating fics in this section. All of them are great :)**

 **I of course do not own anything.**

 **I hope someone will enjoy this :)**

Makoto Naegi just woke up from his 632nd cycle in the academy of despair. Everything there was to be found, he found. Everything there was to be discovered and known, he knew. Everything there was to remember...he remembered. This time around he got killed by the main entrace doors, when they slamed shut, effectively cuting him in half. Chihiro had wrestled the control out of Junko's hands for a while, but it was not enough. At least now he knew that he would always have to get Chihiro to the control room, if they were actually meant to have a chance. As always, the last thing he got to see before life bled out of him, was Mukuro's horrified expression, as dozens upon dozens Monokuma's jumped out of the floor and started detonating. Again he did not manage to save her, and again he was so close.

And so, for around the 500th time in a row, he woke up with an aching heart, because Makoto Naegi was hopelessly in love with Mukuro Ikusaba, just as he was before all this happened. He full well knew her role in all this madness, but it did not deter him, if anything, it made him more desperate to show her the truth, it made him sadder, each time he saw her die. Maybe that was the whole point of this merciless time-loop, for that is surely where he was.

Everytime he woke up, he saw her face, the inexplicably desparate, tortured face, as she took of Junko's wig. Turned around to the dark corner of the room, so no one would see her expression, so no one would see her breaking apart, because she had no emotions, or so she would let the whole world think. No matter what her sister had done, no matter how much the world, or herself had suffered, she would stay the good older sister she had never been in Junko's eyes. She had nowhere else to go, no one else to be. So when Junko said to do, she did. When Junko said pretend, she did and when Junko said to forfeit everything that could ever feel familiar, heartwarming to her, she did. All the while, sadness overtaking her heart.

Makoto did not remember when exactly he fell in love with her, if it was over the countless lives in the despair academy, or if it was in the life they had before, in the school that seemed like a far away dream, as much as she was. He just knew...That if he was to actually die one day, in this endless cycle, he would want it to be while getting her to safety, that is what he was meant to do here, that is what he had chosen. Her downfall, was his fault, Mukuro was a pure soul, tortured and seeking a way out of the corner she found herself in, but he was not able to see that, not the first time around, not while he actually had the opportunity to help her. Instead he just obesrved her from afar, just as she had him. Too shy to do anymore than become casual acquaintances, barely friends, too nervous to talk to her about anything else than ordinary school work. All the while stealing glances at each other, when the other wasn't looking. Trying to find the hope for future, that was always there.

Makoto made his way into the main hall, where, as usual he would introduce himself to all his friends, as if for the first time. It weigh heavily on his heart, each time he had to say hello, trying to save them all in vain, for each time, some of them would die.

But he would not give up, he would never give up, his friends, and Mukuro first and foremost were the reason why he was here, why he longed to wake up in the same classroom, on the same day, each time he had endured an agonizing death. Because each time he woke up, he knew he had gotten another chance, another few days with Mukuro and friends that became his family. Each time it hurt more and more, but each time he chose not to lose hope and continue. He had grown to know pain as a partner and a friend. Every time she had come, he wished she would excert her powers quickly, and most times, she did. Every time she came, it would mark an end of the cycle, whether long or succesful, or short and fruitless, he would always learn at least something, some little piece of information, if about nothing else, than at least about himself. At the very least, he would confirm that his adoration with Mukuro Ikusaba was not just an ordinary crush, it was something that crossed the barier between the one life and the next, each one he had led, would show him a little bit more of her, a little bit more of who she was, who he was, to her, to himself, to everyone.

He stepped into the huge entrance hall, with the indomitable door that barred him from freedom in most cycles. Sometimes he was so close, with Mukuro almost holding his hand. Almost, as she would always die... He lost count over how many times he saw her take off her Junko wing, how many times he saw the face he adored, filled with sadness, filled with heatbreak, how many times he held her in his arms, dying. Her last words whispering her love for him, never even having the time for the first kiss he so wanted. Never even acknowleding the depth of feelings they had for each other, no matter the cycle, no matter the time or the play. But he would always be there, looking her straight to her beatiful grey-blue eyes, promising he would find a way to live happily in the future without her, when immdiately after, he would take his own life at the earliest opportunity, as he always would, because life without her, would have no meaning, would be filled with despair, which her mere presence forbode.

He made his way straight to the faimilar hair of the Ultimate fashionista, Junko Enoshima and stood right infront her.

"Hello Mukuro." He said, with broken voice, he had enough, he was exhausted, mentally and physically, this reset would be short, but he would at least get to se her, the real her before he would die. He would at least finally do what he always wanted to.

She stiffened, unable to formulate an answer on such a quick notice.

"Yes, I know who you really are." He continued, into the quiet of the room, as all the eyes turned to him. "I also know, that your favorite food is plain rice, with whatever you could get, because hot food in itself is a luxury. I also know that your favorite color is brown, because it offers protections, in just about every enviroment. But truly, you always appreciated rainbow, for its adversity" His voice almost broke. "I know you would say you prefer places with a lof of people and cover, to be able to hide in case of an attack, but inwardly, you always wanted to simply sit quetly and calmly at the side of a lake, watching the small waves rock the surface, silently enyving the treaders that could run across, without disturbing it, because they are so endlessly free of anyone's influence, free to go anywhere, do anything, without hurting anyone. I Know that when you take this wig off at the end of the day, you curse yourself, for being weak, for being so different, so plain and unlikable, for sacrificing the people you love to despair, you dont't truly feel...But dont. You are a wonderfull person, one that was never given much choice, but always tried to do her best for everyone else beside you, if all of us held the same warmth inside their heart, the world would never be where it is now." Makoto's eyes filled with tears, his voice was merely a whisper.

"For once, I am not here to rescues you, I will try again when i die and wake up. For once I just want you to know that there is a person that understands you, for once I just want you to be filled with hope instead of longing, for once I just want you to know, before we die, that I love you. I always have, and I always will, with whatever I have left of me, I will try to find a way out of here, harder and harder, each and everytime getting closer and closer to you, to knowing all about you, to getting all of us out of here alive."

"I have said it many times, and I will say it ininitely more times still, but I love you, and it will never get old, it will never be less sincere. I will never let it be a thing, that would make you despair, because despair is the oposite of what you always make me feel. Because I will save you, one day, for sure and as long as I will get to wake up, right before heading here, I will have you to look forward to and so I will never lose hope."

Makoto looked up at the mounted guns at the ceiling, which whirled to life, aiming directly at him.

"You have always been much more beatiful to me, no matter how atractive your sister is in the world's eyes. You are no slave of hers, know that you bear no responsibility in what she has chosen, and who she is. She is the one who left you when she chose to purusue this path of despair, not the other way around. In my eyes, you are the model, you are the unspoiled beauty, the immeasurable perfection, no matter who's face you wear at the moment."

As the guns trained on Makoto, he continued for one last sentence.

"I love you, now, and for however long, before our lifes actully lead to the ending, where we are together." And with that he closed his eyes and leaned in, slightly kissing her on the lips. It was a small, chaste kiss, filled with hidden meaning only he and Mukuro would ever know about. As he step back, he brushed his lips with his forehand lightly and smiled at her.

Mukuro's eyes were filled with tears, her endlessly immovable face was set in a painfull expression, full of all the feelings she denied herself, or was not aware, for most of her life. Her one hand held over her mouth, still agape, the other gripping the knife that was meant to end life of whoever would expose her, knife she would never draw.

And than, the gunshots broke the tranqulity of the moment, tearing it apart.

"Nooooooooooo, Makoto!" She let out a earpearcing scream as Makoto fell to the ground, filled with bullet holes, painting the world around her pink.

Settling next to him and clutching his dying body to hers, she tore of her wig and smeared her make up all over her face with one resolute swipe of her hand. Tears streaming down her face, as her heart was broken into milion pieces, over a few words she did not even know existed, did not realise could ever apply to her, over a man she loved without limits.

And as life slowly drained from Makoto he kept smiling at her, unable to speak anymore he thought to himself.

 _"Next time, I will see her smile as she takes her wig off, I swear it."_


End file.
